“Come, let us sing to the Lord! Let us shout joyfully to the Rock
of our salvation.”
-Psalms 95:1
I am reading a book called You Are Free, by Rebekah Lyons, that brings up the question, ‘when do I feel truly free?’. It is difficult to experience the feeling of true freedom. Oftentimes my constant thoughts hold me captive and make it seem impossible to have a moment of peace, a moment of freedom. There are not many situations in which I feel completely free. Shortly after that question, there is a short prayer…
Jesus, bring me back into a place of true freedom with you. Show me the way back into your freedom…
Over the next couple days, this question that I just couldn’t answer was starting to make it’s answer clear in little ways. I should add that during this time I was processing some news about our adoption that was upsetting and frustrating. I was feeling so raw and heartbroken that our adoption journey wasn’t going down the path we had been praying for since October. I was working on surrendering my expectations to the Lord and accepting that His plan is the perfect plan for our family. All the while, struggling with immense guilt for feeling heartbroken when we have these 4 beautiful children that fill our hearts and our home with so much love and meaning already. My heart was a mess and my mind was even more so.
- I was on the treadmill one evening, which is in our basement, listening to worship music. When I listen to worship music I can’t help but sing out at the top of my lungs. I usually only play it at times that I know I can bust out in song without embarrassing myself, but this night I didn’t even think about the fact that everyone upstairs might be able to hear me. I just knew that while singing His praise I felt alive, joyful, energized…and free. As soon as I got upstairs, I could tell by Rob’s face that they heard me. My initial reaction was to be embarrassed, but he so quickly squashed that with his sweet, gorgeous smile. It wasn’t so much that I felt acceptance, it was more that I felt completely joyful in those moments and I felt relief from the sadness. I felt free from the bondage of disappointment, frustration, and worry. I could tell that Rob sensed the shift in me, too.
- A couple of days later I was wasting some time on pinterest and saw a shirt that I knew I had to have. Worship heals me…it frees me.
- Last night at 3rd Monday Worship at Highland, I felt healing and hope when we were singing Yes and Amen, by Chris Tomlin…
Faithful, you are
Faithful, forever, you will be
Faithful, you are
All your promises are yes and Amen
All your promises are yes and Amen
I will rest in your promises
My confidence is your faithfulness
I will rest in your promises
My confidence is your faithfulness…
This is my favorite version of it…
My answer seems so clear now. I can imagine God giving me a dumbfounded look and shaking his head when I struggled to find where I feel truly free. I feel His spirit move through me with such strength and love when I worship Him. And although it can be so hard to do this when it’s the last thing I feel like doing, I know that’s exactly when I have to press in harder and do it more intentionally. I know He is working fiercely in my heart and soul. I am learning to worship and share His love freely as it has done so much to free me and bring me new life.
No matter what your journey is, it is yours and Gods alone. It is not something you can put on a scale to compare to someone else’s. What you feel is real. What is in the depths of your heart, possibly hidden from everyone, is not hidden from God. He wants to connect with you at heart level. He wants to free you from whatever is gripping you, whatever is breaking your heart. He wants to hold those broken pieces when it is just too heavy a burden for you to carry. He wants to help you put them back together. He wants to shine His light through those broken pieces. Don’t give up. Don’t hang your head in sorrow. Lift it up…your voice, your hands, your prayers. He wants to help you find your freedom. He will, if you let Him.
Just for the fun of it, I wanted to share some of the songs that are on repeat at my house. If you can’t find them on YouTube, you’re welcome to hear the Lindy Phelps treadmill version. Ha, just kidding! That’s between me and God…and the eavesdroppers I call my family! 😉
- Do It Again, by Elevation Worship
- Here As In Heaven, by Elevation Worship
- Yes and Amen, by Bethel Music
- Resurrecting, by Elevation Worship
- So Will I (100 Billion X), by Hillsong Worship
- Won’t Stop Now, Elevation Worship
- Reckless Love/Even If, by Mass Anthem
- Break Every Chain, by Jesus Culture
Be Light. Be Love. Believe.
Just be…
Lindy
